There are pros and cons to being single. Right now for me the cons are completely out weighing the pros. But I'm sure with time and healing that will change.
I've really struggled with this lately as you can read in past posts. On Thursday night the Baseball Stud stayed the night at a friends house and that was the first time in over 3 years that with both of my kids gone I was completely alone in the house. And it really really felt lonely. You don't realize when you wish for peace and quiet and some alone time that when it comes it may not always be all it's cracked up to be. I learned that really quick. Sleeping was the hardest. Knowing I was the absolute only person in the house creeped me out.
Everyday has it's peaks and valleys and I try to lean more towards the peaks but it doesn't always work out that way. It's so weird to come home to empty when the kids are gone and then to not have any adult interaction anymore. No one to stay up with me after the kids have gone to bed to watch TV, to talk about sports with.
I know that the road ahead is going to be bumpy and I just need to put on my hard hat while driving and push forward. I had a guy from work who was so sweet to talk to me about all this, who said if you try and rush through all of these feelings that it will only be worse in the end. My BFF says it too, give yourself time to grieve this relationship. You've lost someone you loved and your heart is broken. These are things that I really need to hear right now. Because part of me feels like a fool for feeling all of this and then the other part of me feels like I shouldn't have to justify any of my feelings to anyone. Of course sometimes I just feel like telling the whole world to suck it but that's not a nice thing to do. :)
So for now I think I will let my heart hurt like it does, allow myself to cry when I want to, allow my feelings to hurt like they do and know that one day it may be different.
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5 crazy beautiful notes:
Your on the right track honey...your doing all you can. Don't feel bad one bit...take it slow, life will be better.
I agree with your friends Becky. Let yourself feel the feelings, but also, try not to drown yourself in sorrow either. I was right where you are a few years back and trust me when I say it DOES get better! For me, my friends gathered close and were a huge support system. We would go out when I didnt have my son and that would keep my mind off of things, and also I ended up having a GREAT time!! Hugs to you! I so know how you feel!
I agree with them too. Just take each day, one day at a time. The future looks bright ahead!
I agree hun. You need the time to grieve for what is lost, no matter how it happened. Even if you chose something like this, it's still something constant you've had for over 9 years and you still need to come to grips with the loss.
I love you girl! Just remind yourself you made the right decision and even though it will take time, in the end you will be so much happier.
*hugs*...Everything will be alright.
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